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00:00:00:00 – 00:00:19:08
Joining me in the studio today is Sean Willers. Sean is a former British soldier who served in Afghanistan. Yet despite his fighting nature, his addictions got the better of him and he nearly lost his life to an overdose. My mom was an alcoholic. She drank quite heavily. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up, and and I was in and out of school all the time.
00:00:19:14 – 00:00:37:20
When and how did your first usage of cocaine? I think my first usage of cocaine was around 17. Your mom is an alcoholic. You’ve left home, you’re sleeping on the streets, and you’re a bit of a loner. That have been from my childhood. Anyone using cocaine on a on a regular basis is not getting the most out of their life.
00:00:37:20 – 00:00:57:20
Don’t do cocaine anymore. Just don’t do it. It’s just not worth it. Even with my deejaying career, like I would say to my younger self before I was, you know, starting as a DJ. Make sure you prioritize your
00:00:59:02 – 00:01:21:22
Hello, I’m Elliott Wald. Addiction specialist. And welcome to another episode of Coming Clean with me. Joining me in the studio today is Sean Willers. Sean is a former British soldier who served in Afghanistan. In other words, he’s always been in the fight. Yet despite his fighting nature, his addictions got the better of him, and he nearly lost his life to an overdose that he says, which is a wake up call.
00:01:21:22 – 00:01:38:20
And welcome, Sean. Thank you for joining me, Sean. You for having me. It’s great. I’ve been looking forward to this. Tell me about your childhood and being the eldest of four boys and growing up in Macclesfield. Yeah. So I was actually born in Colchester, so, Yeah, it’s a little, spin off. Er. But I was born in Colchester, para country.
00:01:38:20 – 00:02:03:01
Yes. My dad was in the Paras. There we go to, Yeah, I think so, yeah, I think two, two, two. I should know that question. It’s okay. But, but I was there until I was two when he left, the first job he got was up in Macclesfield in a Barclays bank, and, and I grew up there and, I was a very, not a very well-behaved child, I’d say.
00:02:03:02 – 00:02:22:14
And, my mum and dad split up at a very young age. Will you not behave because you were looking for attention or what? It’s. People ask me that all the time, and I really don’t know why I was not well behaved, you know, because especially because I’ve served in the military, you know, as you just opened with their I, you know, I can stick to the rules.
00:02:22:16 – 00:02:46:01
So it wasn’t even that excuse, but it got worse and worse. When my mum and dad split up, that really instigated it even more. My mum was an alcoholic. She. She drank quite heavily. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up. And and I was in and out of school all the time. I started drinking myself around 14 and I was.
00:02:46:01 – 00:03:11:21
I’m the oldest as well. Did you know? Did you? Because you being your mum, being an alcoholic, did that influence you to start drinking at a young age? I don’t really think I understood it as much. You know, when I was that age, I didn’t I didn’t really understand the problems of alcohol I could do now. So I, I didn’t quite put her drinking with her behavior, you know, together.
00:03:11:23 – 00:03:30:16
So and I just think in, in Macclesfield, it was just, I mean, like, it is in a lot of English towns or cities these days, you know, kids just start drinking younger and, and for me, it was a problem early on. I know at 15 that you dropped out of school, you left home, and you moved into a youth hostel.
00:03:30:16 – 00:03:47:16
Yes. So when I was 15, I didn’t I didn’t go into year 11 based on the final year, I got a work placement. So the ideas of the free days, they’re conventionally do free days out in two days at school, but the school wouldn’t have me back. And, my mum at this point was going through a hard time.
00:03:47:16 – 00:04:09:13
There was four of us and she really couldn’t handle, you know, my actions anymore. So she, you know, had to I had to move out. Basically, I was, I moved into a hostel, so I was at a hostel going to the work placement three times a week. But then I got kicked out of the hostel through my drinking, basically.
00:04:09:15 – 00:04:29:02
And I was in the work placement. They column with my bags in the staff in the hostel was like, we can’t have you any more. So I was then homeless. And my mum, you know, she couldn’t had me back. I was drinking pretty much every night at this point. And that was, one of the guys who worked at the exhaust manufacturer.
00:04:29:02 – 00:04:45:21
I was working, Mark. He was actually a functioning heroin addict. So, but the nicest guy. And he said, look, Sean, I mum, my mum and dad have got a place that you can stay, in Bollington, which is just outside. And I was like, great. You know, I was sleeping rough at the time, so I had to take in anything.
00:04:45:21 – 00:05:01:13
But what I used to have to do is I used to have to wait with Mark whilst his dad came and picked him up and he would chase the dragon. But his brother was also a function and heroin addict, so I’d sort of have to wait. They’re in this strange predicament. Why? Why I stay? Would you know smoke can do their thing?
00:05:01:13 – 00:05:25:03
Yeah. And I would sit there and at the time I would smoke, you know, joint or something. And I was thinking, wow. Is, you know, is this what my life is become? How much alcohol were you drinking at this point? A lot of, vodka. I was on, Yeah, just a lot of white spirits. Anything that you could really get my hand on it again, it’s, you know, it’s always quite blurry that that time of my life.
00:05:25:03 – 00:05:47:09
I don’t know if it’s something maybe that I’ve suppressed a little bit or if I was just too drunk to remember. But but it was a lot. A lot of spirits, for sure. And then it comes to a point after stay now for a few months that then his sister move back in at Mark’s place and again, it was I was out on the streets and at this point was very low.
00:05:47:09 – 00:06:23:05
But then my grandad, who I was very close to, he’s like, enough’s enough, you come and move in with me. Wolverhampton. And I remember my 16th birthday actually picked me up from I was sleeping under like this skull. It was, like a school shelter. Basically. I was sleeping over there with all my stuff. He picked me up, my Nana moved to Wolverhampton, and then from around 16 to 18 was it was like me trying to trying to find my, my way realistically, but at the same time going through this like hormonal, hormonal change and moving to a new place at 16 years old, trying to find friends.
00:06:23:05 – 00:06:42:05
So. So I was very lost. That’s that’s that’s right. You know, that’s that’s pretty hard, isn’t it? Like you, your mum’s an alcoholic. You’ve left home, you’re sleeping on the streets, you got no family that you really in association with talking to. Then the grandad comes and takes you in and now you’ve moved to a completely different area.
00:06:42:05 – 00:06:55:22
It’s still at a young age where you’ve not gone to school with people in the area. We don’t have any friends like that you’re associated with, and you’re a bit of a loner at that point. Absolutely, yeah. I think I always, have been for quite a lot like from, from my childhood. I think I was, I was a bit of a bully, actually.
00:06:55:22 – 00:07:13:14
You know, when I was younger and again, I think it was just something internally that I was trying to push out on other people and, and, I think obviously because of my actions, like a lot of my family, we all really get along. We’re all super close now. But at that time, I think my mum was just trying to protect the other three brothers as well.
00:07:13:14 – 00:07:32:17
You know? So when I moved there, exactly that I was, I was quite lonely and, and and that again sort of put me in situations where I was maybe trying to show off a little bit or, you know, or doing certain things that maybe I wouldn’t have. And when and how did your first usage of cocaine. Yeah.
00:07:32:18 – 00:07:54:17
So I think my first usage of cocaine was around 17. I ended up meeting a girl when I was in Wolverhampton. He was fantastic and family are really great, and they sort of took me on, and that’s where I started to find friends. But then we started going to this pub and and I remember my first use of cocaine was there around 17
00:07:54:17 – 00:08:09:09
So where did the how did your first cocaine usage begin? Yeah. So around 17, when I was in Wolverhampton, I met a girl. I was going to a pub, and the opportunity came up to to try cocaine for the first time, and I did.
00:08:09:11 – 00:08:30:13
And you lied to. I did like it. And it works. Yeah, it does work. Absolutely. And, And for me, it was, it was always drinking then cocaine first. That was, it was alcohol was always the catalyst. You weren’t a dry sniff was not. No, not at all. No. So, but then at this time, I was I was trying to study.
00:08:30:13 – 00:08:54:07
I was trying to find something I did, you know, I did one GCSE at night school and my grandad was, you know, he was a great guy. He was really inspirational. You know, he’s very intelligent and he was trying to push me into education and learning. I tried like an electrician’s course and I couldn’t find it. And then when I was 18, or maybe before that, I went to a Thai boxing class, and I sort of found my passion for fitness at this time.
00:08:54:09 – 00:09:13:10
And I absolutely loved it. And I really took to it. And, at that point, I sort of realized that fitness was something that I wanted to go into. But, you know, as a, as a vocation, it was something that I could that I could really put my emotions into. You know, it gave me that distraction from, from everything else.
00:09:13:10 – 00:09:38:17
And, and I did my personal training qualification, my fitness qualifications and, and then I sort of, you know, I started my career in the fitness industry. But at the same time, even though I, I had like no intention when I was a kid of of being in the system, you know, with school, for some reason, I think it’s because of my dad being in the military.
00:09:38:17 – 00:10:02:14
I really wanted to join the military. And, when I was 18, just after doing my qualifications, maybe been in the fitness industry for six months, I applied for the RAF Regiment, actually, so I was always weighing up the paratroopers. But when I was in this pub one time, someone talked to me about the RAF Regiment and he’s like, it’s all the benefits of the infantry, but you get a nice comfy bed.
00:10:02:14 – 00:10:25:16
So for me that was fantastic and I applied, but because I had had previous convictions from when I was younger that weren’t spent, I had to wait another year. And I ended up waiting until I was 20. And this period from 18 to 20 was, it was just coasting a little bit, you know, I was, I was doing fitness, but I was still drinking at the weekends, still using Coke.
00:10:25:16 – 00:10:49:13
Still using Coke. Yeah. It wasn’t really a problem at this point. You know, what would happen during the infancy of your usage. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. It was developing and that what would usually happen, especially with drinking, is that I could and this this has been the story of my, you know, my usage with drink and drugs is that I could do five times, I would go out, four would be no problems at all.
00:10:49:13 – 00:11:11:02
The fifth one would be a fucking disaster and all hell would break loose. And and that was pretty much the, the story from 18 to 20. You know, every now and again there’d be, you know, do something ridiculous or identifying with someone or saying something, you know. So now 20, you join the R.A.F.. Yeah. So you’re not using Coke at this point.
00:11:11:04 – 00:11:28:02
Well, what you have been through basic training is no free basic training. Okay. So you took those those months off. Had nine months. Yeah. Without. But but the funny thing is, when basic training, happen you get I think it’s maybe week, you get one week away where you get to go out with the lads. Oh. What happened?
00:11:28:02 – 00:11:52:12
Yeah, well, I ended up getting in a fight and, And fight with two the guys who were on basic training with me. Some of the younger guys, again, at that younger side of me was coming out that ego and, and, and I remember ringing my dad, I’ve done it again. This is something that I’ve said quite a lot for my whole journey, and I’ve had to do Change Parade, which it was, on the hour, every hour for 48 hours.
00:11:52:12 – 00:12:11:21
I had to bring in the beaming sun in a different uniform, perfectly ironed. I mean, it was, it was an experience, I can say that, but. Yeah, when I was in the I mean, sorry I didn’t tell you, but I was just going to say. Because when you join the RAF. Yes. You’re taught discipline. Yes, you’re taught things and you’re taught to look after yourself.
00:12:11:21 – 00:12:30:07
Really? They they break you down, especially at a young age when we were like that. Yeah. And they build you back up. But one thing that I will say about the military is the NFA. It’s so accepted, isn’t it? Alcohol is just is just it’s just the normal Aussie in the military lately. Yeah. Yeah I agree with that.
00:12:30:08 – 00:12:55:05
I am I mean, for me in the military was one of the best decisions I ever did. You drink a lot? Not two. You know, it wasn’t it wasn’t crazy because I think after that, that first time when that happened in my basic training, I did realize a little bit that, okay, I have got a problem here, and I was really enjoying being broken down in the military and going through the discipline, because I’d never done that.
00:12:55:05 – 00:13:07:21
I’d never been disciplined in my life. You know, getting up at five thrived on it. Absolutely, I loved it. Yeah. I bet your food was quick. It was very quick. Yeah. I can’t remember what it was, but I was I was one of the top students. I could tell. I could just see by your physique. I bet you I bet you were fast.
00:13:07:22 – 00:13:37:04
I mean, it was great, but I’d never been that before. I’d never been accepted in. Sorry. So anybody listening? His basic fitness test in the military. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, I loved it. And then I went on to to Squadron. I was at two Squadron, which was the paratroop squadron for the RAF Regiment. And that was really what I wanted to do was get my wings my which is like your, your parry drum jumps because obviously my dad did it and it was always that, you know, one up on, on you sort of thing.
00:13:37:04 – 00:13:57:12
But then we, we got drafted straight away into pre-deployment training. So once we went onto Squadron, there wasn’t really any time for fucking around. It was, you know, we’ve once we maybe six months, we straight onto pre-deployment training, which was, you know, another six months. And that was very intense. And then we was out to Afghanistan and that was in 2010.
00:13:57:13 – 00:14:24:05
What was that like? It was an experience, for sure. It was you know, people ask me this all the time and it’s very hard to explain, you know, being in a war is a it’s surreal. I was never really institutionalized in, in, in that respect. So, yeah, it’s it’s hard to explain. I think it’s you trained it for that, that that time.
00:14:24:05 – 00:14:42:19
So when you get there, you you you’re on sort of automatic mode. And a lot of the things you see, first of all, it puts into perspective the opportunities that we have in this country for star, you know, those kids over in Afghanistan that didn’t even have shoes on the feet, let alone a passport or the opportunities that we do.
00:14:42:19 – 00:15:03:18
And I think for me, coming from, you know, maybe not a privileged background at the time, I used to use that as a label where I can’t achieve certain things, and that really did open my eyes to see. Well, actually, maybe I’m not so hard done by and and I have got a great opportunity. And if I put my mind to something now, I really can, you know, get to where I want to be.
00:15:03:20 – 00:15:23:00
And, yeah, it just it was an, it was an experience. And coming back out of that, I knew then after coming back from Afghanistan, that that was sort of my time there for the military. You know, it did the minimum. I’ve done it all. I’ve got a medal. And I wanted to go back into the fitness industry.
00:15:23:00 – 00:15:43:03
So. So I left the military and I moved to Southend because at this point, me and my brother had started to develop a really good relationship. My my brother below me, who’s 18 months, younger, me and my family had started to connect a lot more at this time, especially with, you know, my mum and dad, my brother.
00:15:43:03 – 00:16:09:07
So I moved to Southend, where he was living, and I got a job as a PC Virgin active in Southend, and this was my dream job. I absolutely loved it. And, and for the first few months things were absolutely incredible. It was perfect, I was fit, I was healthy, I was, you know, confident. You know, I was just come out of the military drinking started to come in now, though, a lot at the weekends.
00:16:09:08 – 00:16:29:23
Cocaine use started to creep in. And, when I was working, someone, one of my clients said to me, the, the there was an opportunity for an aviation five firefighter, Southend airport because at the time, the, the Stobart had just taken it over and they were expanding it, never taking on new firefighters. So I thought what I like about that.
00:16:29:23 – 00:16:46:18
So I went for it and I got the job and I got sent to Aberdeen. I did three months training as an evasion firefighter and I told absolutely everyone about this. This is a time where you change your Facebook status to firefighter. You know what your job was. I told everyone I couldn’t believe it, you know, but I just left the best job of my life.
00:16:46:18 – 00:17:06:01
That really was. I absolutely loved it. To try this. And we did the training. The training probably cost about 20,000 pounds and the training was fantastic. Aviation firefighter, the actual job, there’s not much going on because planes, you know, don’t really blow up. Yes, exactly. A lot of the time you just scaring birds away. But the training was fantastic.
00:17:06:01 – 00:17:27:21
We spent three months in Aberdeen putting out, you know, planes basically the last day you know, we passed qualified me and this other guy Dave, he was next para. We got absolutely fucked up, trashed the whole hotel room, made a racket. It was a disaster. I woke up in the morning. I couldn’t believe it. The boss called me, said, you know, when you get back down south and you’re in a lot of trouble.
00:17:27:23 – 00:17:47:14
Next day when I got back, had to go into the meeting with the board and they were like, no sacking you for gross misconduct. So Stobart had just taking over this company and you’ve come in first load of fire fighters made an act. There was four complaints. Trashed the hotel room because of it. So head in my hands and, I this for me now.
00:17:47:14 – 00:18:04:04
I felt lost now because I’d left the best year of my life. I thought I’d gained the next job of my life as a firefighter, fucked up through drinking. So for me, at this point, I got another job in in the fitness industry, but I just I couldn’t care less about it. I started going out a lot every weekend with a group of lads.
00:18:04:05 – 00:18:19:08
Now you’re pain heavy. Yeah, I every weekend getting Charlie to fit in without shadow of a doubt every week. And that was it was the same routine. Friday we’d go out, get tents up, maybe my brother, the guys that was hanging around with, we’d probably do a couple of grams and get in a fight, and that was it for months.
00:18:19:10 – 00:18:39:19
And then, and then we start going to this guy’s house some after parties because the nights were getting later, the cocaine was was getting more and more, and we started deejaying. And I’d never really been interested in this at all. I mean, me and my brother, we’ve always been really music based, you know, love all sorts from, from, from hip hop to, to jazz, whatever.
00:18:39:19 – 00:18:58:12
You know, it was I’ve always had a big music influence, and house music is something that I hadn’t really been interested before, but we started deejaying and I loved it and so did my brother. So what we did is we bought some, like some really cheap decks at my apartment, got it set up, and then that was it.
00:18:58:12 – 00:19:38:19
Now every single weekend we would finish on a Friday, get a load of packet and mix on the decks till Sunday morning, work very minimal, you know, effort and then repeat that cycle. And, it’s common in the deejaying world, isn’t it? Well, yeah. So I mean, you know, drugs, drugs and partying go hand in hand. But the thing is, I think as time goes on, I was actually more interested in the actual drugs and part in the, the music and, and, and what happened is mainly, actually for me, I and my brother, we thought actually, you know, we could give this a go, like, let’s, let’s start sending out a few mixes.
00:19:38:19 – 00:20:02:17
And we got a very lucky break and we ended up getting on like a DJ competition. It was in Vox all on a Wednesday. We couldn’t believe it. So so so so we went up to, you know, from Southend to Voxel, a few friends. Com and, and it went very well. But what we didn’t realize is the deejay competition was to play a nightclub called Egg in Kings Cross on a Friday night, but you’d go and sell tickets.
00:20:02:17 – 00:20:32:20
So you would. There was a thing in the industry. I mean, I’m sure it still happens now, but you’d have the headline, the top deejays, but anyone else below that would sort of have to bring, you know, they’d have to bring something to the party, which is fair enough. And you’d sell tickets for 15, you keep a fiver, you give that to the promoter, and they’d see that people coming to see you and the first time we played, we sold 50 tickets, which was quite a lot, you know, or everyone come from Southend and and we smashed it and it went really well.
00:20:32:20 – 00:20:50:09
And the promoter said, look, we’ve got another spot for you at New Year’s Eve. And I think this is 2012 or 11 now at the end of it. And, do you want to come back and play? And we, we did same again. 50 tickets, smashed it. But what happened this time is that the two the DJs after didn’t turn up.
00:20:50:12 – 00:21:08:02
So me and my brother ended up playing a three hour set. And one of the promoters from the club was there and watched us, and he stayed the whole night. You come up so she’s like, look guys, really good. We want to get you back again in the New year. So for me, Liam, that was it. Now we we started playing at aged, but even when we weren’t we would go up on a on a Friday or Saturday, stay there the whole night.
00:21:08:02 – 00:21:27:23
First train but Southend and we were doing this for some months until it got to the point where my boss at work was like, you know, it’s see what I’m doing on Facebook? I’m on Facebook all day sending my mics out to everyone like, hey, hey, Eliot, Sean here. Because if you’ve got anything to do with deejaying on on Facebook, I’d just send you my mic.
00:21:27:23 – 00:21:46:00
So let me know what you think. And you obviously say immediately, you know, I appreciate you putting in the work and stuff, but you gonna have to make a choice. Either you know, this career, the fitness, or you got to, you know, jog on at same time, the promoters called Hans, he said, look, you know, why don’t you move to London and give it a go?
00:21:46:02 – 00:22:02:01
So that was it. I quit on the day and so did my brother. And we, we found an apartment my brother did in Brick Lane. So I was like, yeah, you’ve got it sorted. He’s like, great. I didn’t even check crate bike was in Brooklyn. Well, that’s what I lived on for the first year. And, well, that and cocaine.
00:22:02:07 – 00:22:20:07
So, so obviously by this point, you know, we’re we’re partying consistently, you know, Friday through Sunday, every single weekend was sort of quantity using. He’s difficult to, you know, to put a number on it. But there wasn’t a shortage, let’s put it that way. You know, it was there was a lot of alcohol involved as well.
00:22:20:07 – 00:22:40:10
Smoking. It was just it wasn’t just sat there just line after line after line, but it was enough to keep us up for the weekend, you know? So, so anyway, we had a leaving party, at mine in Southend. Everyone calm, you know, moving to Brick Lane. Couldn’t believe it. We’re going to go and live this dream anyway.
00:22:40:10 – 00:22:58:14
Partying hard next year and get a phone call. And it’s my friend’s dad, and he’s, I’ve got the van outside. Yeah, I’ve come to pick you up, and we can’t believe we’re still partying in the apartment, so we have to cram, like, a two bedroom flat into this fucking into this van off our ad with these two girls.
00:22:58:14 – 00:23:16:13
Come in. I mean, think you’re partnered? God knows what. Todd’s dad was thinking. And we pull up to this apartment in Lane, and I’d not seen it. My brothers looked at it, and what I didn’t realize it was we were sharing a room, two single beds with another six people in this in in this house. And we’ve got to cram all of our stuff into it.
00:23:16:13 – 00:23:33:09
So, you know, we had everything piled up on it at the time. I just I mean, looking back again, it was ridiculous. But I didn’t see anything of it because my eyes now are on the prize of being a DJ. You know, this is it. And I, we spent four years in London, gradually building up our career as deejays.
00:23:33:09 – 00:23:52:18
We got a residency and then we got taken on to an agency. And, and at this time I was using free four times a week because we were doing parties in the week as well. We would play we would, every Friday and Saturday. We were the second DJs to play at that club, and we did that within about two years.
00:23:52:18 – 00:24:18:07
And that club’s been open, you know, since the terminal days. That’s where Lawrence went from, from terminals to, to egg. We’ve trade. So, but as your careers increased and got bigger. So how’s your usage alongside it? Exactly. You know, and I didn’t really see it at the time because I was just so overwhelmed of, of of the transition and and how quickly we’d sort of come up.
00:24:18:09 – 00:24:35:08
And then we started, getting in contact with, with a girl called Symphony who is like a really big, respected DJ in Berlin. And I went to Berlin for, for the first time. And I was like, wow. Like it gives me goosebumps thinking about it now because it was it blew my mind. I was like, this is fucking unreal.
00:24:35:08 – 00:25:08:00
You know? It’s like London, but nobody’s work in. Clubs are open all night. Everyone’s a deejay, you know? Everyone’s in the scene. And we did the same sort of thing happened with with Berlin, with London aged sort of had enough of us now anyway, because we were just getting fucked up all the time. We were really taking the piss, which again, I never see at the time because I was my ego was getting so big, I was using so much, but really, I should have had so much more respect for them, for bringing us in and given us this incredible opportunity to, you know, even to work with, like Lawrence Mullis, the owner is,
00:25:08:01 – 00:25:26:03
you know, he’s he’s an absolute legend in his own right. And and the disrespect really from just me thinking I was Billy Big Ballocks because I was getting on it all the time was, yeah, was was a little sad, but I didn’t see that. And then we got an opportunity to go move to Berlin, and we got taken off from Watergate.
00:25:26:03 – 00:25:45:14
The agency which is which is huge for us. It really was like that was very much our music in Berlin was really where we wanted to be. And and it was the same thing. We just we left, moved to Berlin back in like, you know, a very small apartment. This time there was, there was just me and Liam in there, but it was very much back to basics.
00:25:45:16 – 00:26:08:09
And that started again. This the same really, really popping off. But the problem was now, like when I moved to London originally, I wasn’t using that much. I was building into that. But now when I moved to Berlin, I’m already using 3 or 4 times a week. So you’re spending all your money on it? I was broke, you know, I, I wonder for years I was thinking, where is all my money going as a DJ?
00:26:08:09 – 00:26:24:19
You know, thinking I must be getting paid. Fuck all. But obviously now I know exactly where it was going. Yeah. We, you know, actually, it’s funny because I always remember when I was in Berlin quite early on and I ended up going to an after party after a gig, and I come back and I couldn’t even get the train.
00:26:24:19 – 00:26:43:23
Had like enough money for, like, a Capri Sun, like just to quench my thirst and had to walk back. It took me like two hours and I was thinking, what? I’m, you know, what is this now? Is this it? You know, I’m I’m pretty much stuck in a another country. But what happened here is that my, my usage got really bad and we got kicked off the Watergate agency.
00:26:44:01 – 00:27:04:15
It’s like just taking the piss again. Basically, your usage was ruining your career. Absolutely not. You know, my and my relationship now, my relationship with my brother was was getting more difficult. We I wasn’t spending any time investing in the career, you know, it was just all I was bothered about was either getting on it or partying.
00:27:04:20 – 00:27:22:08
And then even in the studio, we started to produce music. We had a studio in Berlin. That was a massive trigger for me. Like, obviously thing was a huge trigger, but going in the studio to make music then become a trigger. So I couldn’t escape it because I needed to make music for my career. But that was a trigger for me using cocaine.
00:27:22:10 – 00:27:42:21
And then the same with the gigs. I needed gigs to pay, you know, the bills. But then it was using every gig. It became like almost like you couldn’t do your job without using. Exactly. And there was there was one time it was actually quite early on, but I got kicked off the decks at a gig in Romania because I got so fucked up and, and I was playing the same song over again.
00:27:42:21 – 00:28:01:23
I was arguing with Liam, almost fighting with him, and they had to pull me off. And there was several occasions where this happened and getting kicked off, you know, several agencies like Watergate wasn’t the only one. It was it was a sort of, repetitive, cycle that I was going through, but I couldn’t see it at the time.
00:28:01:23 – 00:28:17:21
So while I was blaming everyone else, it was never my fault. It was never. And it wasn’t the Cocaine’s fault. Never. That was the funny thing. So after this, we we’d been in in Berlin for two years and I was really on my ass at this point. I had nowhere to live because I kept getting kicked out of apartments.
00:28:17:21 – 00:28:35:04
I was sleeping in the studio. The agency that we was on wasn’t great because we’d lost a lot of the respect from a lot of the scene. May. Liam weren’t getting on. I was in a really toxic relationship, which wasn’t her fault either. That was completely mine. And you never stop to think. Always the cocaine’s for.
00:28:35:04 – 00:28:52:15
Absolutely not for one second. You know, I think in fact, that’s a lie I probably did on a Tuesday when I was on a comedown. But, you know, come Wednesday, Thursday had been forgotten about. And that was such a repetitive cycle. And what I was always I was I was never taking action. Naive. I was saying, you know, oh, you know, I’m going to quit.
00:28:52:15 – 00:29:08:07
I’m not I’m going to do it. So I do want to forget about and I did, I did try and I, and I as well, especially in Berlin, I tried quite a few times, but for me, you just you have to if you want to quit, I think you’ve got to really want to. You’re going there. But you weren’t really in it.
00:29:08:08 – 00:29:28:21
Exactly, exactly. You know, it was more just to just to sort of pat myself on the back and say, well, you’re giving it a good go. Hang yourself in the back and appease your brother and other people around. Exactly, exactly. But no action was actually being taken. So this point here, rock bottom and then and then, the lockdowns happened.
00:29:28:21 – 00:29:50:23
Covid happened at this point. This must have affected your bookings. It absolutely did. So it was actually the the best thing that could have happened to me. Because, because everything stopped then everything shut down. We had no money then, you know, I mean, I had very little anyway, but we it was, it was an obvious no income.
00:29:51:01 – 00:30:12:02
And, and I moved in with, with my brother. So I was sleeping on his sofa at this point in between in the studio, but I couldn’t go to the studio, two of them, because it was such a big trigger. So when the lockdowns happen, I had to get a an actual job. But the problem was, I’d spent years in Berlin and not learned any, not spent any time learning the language, you know?
00:30:12:02 – 00:30:29:13
Again, ego, I don’t need to do this. I’m English, you know, sort of arrogant of me. So I was looking on the job list and it was very small, I tell you, the only job there was to work at Amazon night shifts. Moving the boxes around was the only non-German speaking job that was available, and I had to do it.
00:30:29:13 – 00:30:44:18
I had no choice. You know, my mum and dad didn’t have the money to fund me, and I’m a 30 year old man as well. You know, I shouldn’t expect anyone to, to fund me. My brother, he’d already. He’d already started working my brother, even though he had his own problems, he was always a little bit more.
00:30:44:19 – 00:31:02:11
We partying together. We were a lot at the time. But by the back end, no. It was. I was on my own a lot of the time, if I’m honest. So again, it was a bit of of becoming that loner that I was, What I think that I think I think, Sean, that is a natural progression for the majority of people with an addiction.
00:31:02:13 – 00:31:18:05
You know, it’s a social thing. And then eventually, at some point, it becomes the most antisocial thing you could possibly use. You can’t hold a conversation. You don’t want to be around anyone. You just want to be at home with you and your drug. Absolutely. I think that’s the root of that was it. And for me, it was the studio.
00:31:18:07 – 00:31:32:13
And it was funny as well, because the reason why that was because the studios well out in East Berlin, so it was out the way from anyone and anything, and it was just a dark, dingy room with a bit of equipment and, you know, so, so I had to get this job and it was night shifts.
00:31:32:15 – 00:31:48:04
And at the time I was, I was speaking with, like, he he was a, he was a friend of mine, a tattoo artist, but he was in great shape and he was working out, and I started working out a little bit with him. And because I was at Amazon, I was moving the boxes, you know, I was moving my body again.
00:31:48:06 – 00:32:09:16
I was sleeping even though it was the other, the opposite end of it, at least I was sleeping and had some, some routine. Now I was still using a little bit. And the thing is, with the German health system as well, it’s very easy to get a day off. The doctor’s there. You just you just need to go and ask them, how many days you want off and they’ll just sign you off.
00:32:09:16 – 00:32:30:15
And when I found that out, it made it a little easier to use, but especially for the first part of the time, it gave me routine, started to lose weight, I started to eat better. And then this guy Marcio, he started to talk to me about intermittent fasting and I’d never heard of this before. And I was like, well, this is, you know, I’ve never heard of this sounds crazy.
00:32:30:15 – 00:32:50:12
You get in shape from not eating, but but I give it a go and a download to this app called fasting. And yeah, I went for the conventional 16 hours not eating eight hours eating window. But I loved it. It it was so empowering. And I think every time I was trying to quit cocaine, I was just saying there was no I wasn’t trying to take control.
00:32:50:12 – 00:33:10:05
I had nothing to focus on, nothing to channel my energy into, and I was blaming everything else and everyone. Oh, it’s because of my upbringing or because I’m drinking or my my situation, when really it come down to the decisions that I was making. I wasn’t making the right decisions. And when I started to fast, it gave me self control again.
00:33:10:05 – 00:33:28:11
I realized that I am disciplined and and I was able to start really focusing then, and I was and it just switched something for me. And then I started to, you know, to really look good and, and fasting was going well. I was using every now and again, but it wasn’t, you know, it wasn’t as much as a problem as it was.
00:33:28:13 – 00:33:48:19
And I managed to save enough money, because I was staying with my brother who came back to the UK. Right. Yeah. So this was it. So then I was like, look, I’m not. I can’t stay in Berlin anymore. No matter what happens, I can’t stay in Berlin. Like, you know, we have been there and done that and, we decided we were going to move back in July 2021.
00:33:48:21 – 00:34:07:03
So we saved up for that. But then at the start 2021, this is when the everything started to open again. I think it was maybe around now. It wasn’t. It was, you know, some point in 2021, I know it was before July because that we got taken on to a new agency and this was one of the biggest ones we’ve been on, and it felt like a fresh start.
00:34:07:05 – 00:34:27:13
And I deep down I think I, I, I don’t know if it was I still wanted to do drugs and party or if I wanted a career in music. And now I’m sober. I know which one it was because I’m not in the music industry anymore. So, I, we got into this agency and it was, you know, we got ten shows.
00:34:27:13 – 00:34:43:04
We knew we were going to move back to the UK. So there ten shows lined up for us. They had, a tour of Australia, which we were supposed to do before the lockdowns happen. And then they did a tour of New Zealand as well. So I think we are like 18 shows already planned and I was absolutely ecstatic.
00:34:43:04 – 00:35:02:13
Like I thought, this is it. Mainly it really started getting along again. My usage was down. You know, I wasn’t sober, sure, but I was I had a routine. I was, you know, tracking my food, I was running, I was exercising, you know, I’d lost weight. Anyway, so we moved back to England and this is July 2021.
00:35:02:14 – 00:35:23:09
Me and Liam went to Bournemouth on the first weekend. Had a big argument about the career. He was like, actually, I don’t want to do this anymore. So I rang my agent. I said, look, I’m going to I’m going to give it a go. I’m going to do it sober. And and I would do the shows. He’s like, look, we’ll build it is the Willis Brothers, because that was a DJ name, but we’ll work it out in the future.
00:35:23:10 – 00:35:38:21
Obviously they’re just like, you know, all these shows. It was a look. We weren’t we weren’t headline. We weren’t making tens of thousands. But it was still, you know, a considerable amount of money, especially if you not own any, you know, think for, for a couple of years, it was very exciting. We had a big argument. Liam didn’t want to do it.
00:35:38:21 – 00:35:55:11
I was like, look, I’m going to do it on my own. I’m going to do it. I’m going to do it sober. So the first gig back was in Nottingham. It’s nearly. Yeah, nearly. It was. Yeah, it’s very close. 2 to 3 years actually. But anyway, we did, I did the gig. I went up there on my own.
00:35:55:13 – 00:36:14:05
I’m not drinking. I don’t drink anymore, you know, and, not drinking. Started playing. Actually, I’ll have one. That was it. I went on a fucking mad one and ended up in hospital. Got this scar here on my head. Did you say to yourself, I’m not drinking? I said, how many times do you tell yourself for I up until that first drink.
00:36:14:07 – 00:36:33:08
Thank you. Hello. Yeah, I was, that was. Let’s try this. Don’t think about pink elephant. Don’t think about pink elephant. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. See, your brain can’t understand negation. So to tell yourself you’re not going to have a drink. You’ve already thought about having a drink. Yeah, yeah, you know exactly that. And I at this time as well, I was still I didn’t really understand any of this at all.
00:36:33:08 – 00:36:52:00
You know, I was just there was so much going on because I’ve wanted to move away from from drink and drugs because I knew I was a better individual for it. But still, I wanted this career in music because we’d we’d never quite broke. You were conflicted. Exactly. Yeah. And and I felt like I’d spent, like, the best part of eight years trying to become a DJ.
00:36:52:00 – 00:37:09:19
And, you know, even though we played, you know, Brazil, Russia, you know, some incredible places. Still, I wanted a little bit more. Anyway, I woke up in hospital after the gig. Two black eyes gash a mad bandage. Apparently I got brought in by the police. I couldn’t remember anything. I was being really hostile. They did. You. You drunk?
00:37:09:19 – 00:37:25:07
And did you use as well? Yeah. So? So you were drinking then? Later usage while you were deejaying then? Yes. I had had two drinks and then I had a bump and then that was it. Game over, game over, game over. But it’s it’s like. It’s like I went double, you know, crazy. This start making up for lost time.
00:37:25:07 – 00:37:46:10
Exactly, exactly. So I broke down in tears. I was like, this is wrong. My dad and my brother tells me my dad and my brother out in, like, in, in a new Forest, I think because, we moved to Southampton, which I didn’t mention because I didn’t want to move back to London, because I wanted to be away from it, you know, but still easier access anyway.
00:37:46:12 – 00:38:04:03
And my dad was like, you know, you’ve got to do so come back. Quit, rang my agent the next day, said, that’s it, we’re out. You know I can’t do it any more. Canceled everything and then, And then I knew I wanted to go back into the fitness industry, mainly just because that was the qualifications that I’d had.
00:38:04:07 – 00:38:23:18
And I knew when I’m focusing on my fitness, that’s when I’m best, you know, no matter what it is I’m doing, if I’m focusing on my fitness, what I’m eating, you know, if my sleep, I’ve got something to channel into. I’ve got something to run towards because I’m always running away from, you know, from, from the packet basically.
00:38:23:20 – 00:38:45:01
So, so anyway, I was, I didn’t know what I was going to do. And I see a job advertisement for primary school PE teacher. And I thought, you know what, I’m going to apply for that. And I did. And, and the guy who, who is the head of PE at the school was ex-military and as you know, any ex-military which did there’s just a little bomb there.
00:38:45:01 – 00:39:01:06
You know, it’s hard to explain. And and we just hit it off. He’s like, not sure and you’re not qualified, but come down, teach your lesson, see if you like it. If it is will work out. And I went and a fucking loved it and it was great I remember I, I’ve been practicing handstands a little bit and I did a handstand in front of these kids and it was the best one I’d ever done.
00:39:01:06 – 00:39:21:22
Yeah. And these kids, they were, you know, five years old and they’re all like, yeah. Anyway, Mr. Willis. Yeah. So I went down, I was I couldn’t believe it, I was, I was over the moon. I got the job and I, and, and I took the job. And at the same time I had, a like a little social media presence on, you know, from, from my Willis brothers page.
00:39:21:22 – 00:39:39:06
And I started to document my own health journey at this point, and this is why I, I was whilst I was at the school and there was really no problems here. I drink every now and again and use every now and again. But you know, it was, it was like maybe every couple of months. It was a lot more in control than it had been.
00:39:39:10 – 00:40:06:05
It was. Yeah. So I thought so. I thought, oh, so you thought so. You thought so. So I it was going great. And but at this point, a lot of people started reaching out to me in the music industry because in the music industry, for my niche like that, that house in minimal, that minimal scene is what it would be cool to suppose me and my brother were known for getting fucked up, like if there was when we were booked, if the promoters would expect us to be at the afterparty, like that’s what we were known for.
00:40:06:05 – 00:40:32:03
You know, we were known for for partying, especially as I didn’t mention as well in Berlin, they don’t use cocaine as much as I do over here in London. It’s a lot of speed. So, yeah. So when mainly were also known in Berlin for being the two brothers do a lot of cocaine because, you know, not as many people were going out to parties, they would be doing speed and ecstasy, whereas me and Liam, especially me, I’d be, you know, fired up on an on an eighth gear.
00:40:32:03 – 00:40:55:21
So. So when people seem the change you, me yes, yes. Is that what your evening consumption was? It would depend on how much money I had. I get it, but if you could, it was a night. Absolutely. You’re in it all the way. All the way. But then sometimes I, I would, I would kid myself, you know, I would start with half or one gram, but, but then end up being an eighth anyway, you know, I think a lot of people do that.
00:40:55:21 – 00:41:16:17
Of course, you’re only getting one, you know, money getting one. Yeah, of course I was sure it was very cool. You said so. So go and carry off. Yes. So, sorry, I just really. I’ve been talking at you here for nonsense of a breath, but, a lot of people started reaching out to me. They’d seen my journey, you know, and especially because a lot of them were in the industry.
00:41:16:17 – 00:41:34:13
Like you said earlier, in the music industry, there is a lot of drugs and alcohol. It’s just part and parcel of it. But there’s also a lot of people in the industry suffering that aren’t talking about, and it’s not openly talked about never. And it should be. At the end of the day. I think you’re absolutely right. I’ve listened, I’ve interviewed quite a few deejays now, and I’ve heard this a lot.
00:41:34:14 – 00:42:08:06
Yeah, it’s it’s rife. And the problem is, is that a lot of the deejays don’t want to talk about neither, you know, they the agents don’t want to help you. The managers don’t want to help. And, and and it’s ruined my career and isn’t there is there’s no support system there, you know, there’s okay. There’s a few I don’t know, people talking about it, but there’s no actual support, you know, is that because there’s no, kind of like conglomerate of someone who looks after the industry of deejaying is that because you work in different clubs and they don’t have any responsibility?
00:42:08:08 – 00:42:28:11
Why do you think that is? I said, good question. To be honest. If I’m completely honest, I just think because most people are in it for themselves, like, you know, managers, agents, deejays, I know I was I didn’t give a fuck about anyone else when it was just me and my career, and that’s it. And, you know, that was all that mattered.
00:42:28:13 – 00:42:43:23
And I think as well, from my experience as a DJ, I had a huge ego. So I didn’t want to admit to anyone that had a problem. I didn’t, you know, on my Instagram it was all fun and, happy, happy, happy. Don’t see me crying in the studio after a fucking, you know, free day coke binge.
00:42:44:01 – 00:43:06:01
After making no music. So. So I think there’s, there’s a combination of, of things there and, and also it is, is it’s not just it’s scary to talk about as well. You know, it’s scary to admit you’ve got a problem, especially when you’re sort of in the public eye, so to speak, you know, as a DJ. So anyway, a lot of people reaching out to me and I started documenting more of it.
00:43:06:01 – 00:43:24:02
And then I had a friend in Ibiza who’s quite influential, and he was like, Sean, I fucking love what you’re doing. Like just like coach me. And at the time, I’d never really heard about online coaching either, because, you know, I’m from the conventional one on one party and I didn’t even realize that it was a thing. So I was like, okay, great.
00:43:24:02 – 00:43:42:16
Yeah, I’ll do it. I was still working at the school. And just before I forget this as well, when I first started that school, I thought I was going to be Mr. Cool deejay, ex-military. I had a mustache at the time I brought over from Berlin, which, again, that was the ego side of me. I look back now with, what was I doing?
00:43:42:16 – 00:44:02:01
But I thought I was going to be Mr. Cool at that school. And I was very, very, very disappointed to know that the kids do not give a fuck if you’re a DJ or ex-military anymore. So how do you. I was still doing that. And then he come on for for body transformation and he started documenting the whole thing.
00:44:02:03 – 00:44:26:09
A lot of people started reaching out to me, and then I started to create a program and and then started to, you know, people started to pay me for the service, but at the same time I got promoted to head of. So I was now head of PR for a primary school of 600 kids, which I absolutely love the job, but at the same time this business was was building and I was being able to help like deejays that actually looked up to as well.
00:44:26:11 – 00:44:55:20
And so how was your usage at this point? Very, very inconsistent. I think 2012, maybe 2 or 3 times two, not 12, sorry. It’s a lot more under control of this point, just going from being up here to being down here. But it’s still there. It’s still there. 60,000, 2120, 22 very, very, very limited. And then August 2022, I was at this point, the business was growing really well and I really see some that was loving it.
00:44:55:20 – 00:45:15:08
It was I was, you know, back and forth from from IVF, and helping people in the industry. And I sort of created this niche as well. And there was a gap for it because like we just talked about, there isn’t really a market for for people helping deejays, especially people that have been through that same experience. I was really fit this time, was running a lot.
00:45:15:10 – 00:45:34:18
And, I had to make a decision in August to overtake on Willis Fitness full time and create a business from it, or stay at the school and, you know, just I needed to make that decision before the, you know, the school term started, just to be fair to, to the teachers because they were all great. I absolutely loved that school.
00:45:34:18 – 00:45:55:10
It was fantastic. It really was. The everyone there was incredible. So I decided to go with, with Willis Fitness. And then, everything’s been great. I’ve really found, you know, I mean, it’s developed over time. You said just just to interrupt you just because. One thing I just want to bring up. You said. You said some more research, and one night you spent every penny.
00:45:55:10 – 00:46:11:12
You had a nearly lost your life, but said it was a lucky event as you see it. So this was. Am I bringing it round? So now? Yes you are. This is perfect. So ten months ago today. Yesterday, actually, I’m ten months fully sober now. Okay. And this is the only time I’ve really counted it for this long.
00:46:11:12 – 00:46:31:15
You know, from from July, from that last big incident to ten months before today. It, you know, it happened. You know, maybe I’d used a handful of times but hadn’t really counted, but it could have been four months would go by or three months ago by when I wouldn’t use. And it was more just just a little party session, you know.
00:46:31:17 – 00:46:56:05
But I went out last August for an event. I was actually at the boxing, for the Joshua fight. And, I had a couple of drinks, and then I bumped into someone in the toilet that I knew that he had cocaine. I used a bit of cocaine. And then I spent the best part of an hour going through my whole phone book, trying to find someone that I knew in London.
00:46:56:06 – 00:47:11:04
Oh. Wants a little toast. Is there? You want more? That was it. And then I’d. So this is for my brother’s birthday, and I paid for us all to go to the boxing. And one of my youngest brothers had come down as well because, like, I. So me and my family are really close now. Like, especially me and my me.
00:47:11:04 – 00:47:25:16
Liam. You know, we’ve never been closer, but me and my mum are really close. Like all my brothers, we see each other loads now. So he’d come down to visit and I spent the best part of an hour and I found someone that, like, come meet me and I left. I didn’t even watch the Joshua fight. I left them to pick up an eighth.
00:47:25:18 – 00:47:54:23
It was I got a hotel room. I just sat in a hotel room. I just I just went on complete self-destruction mode. What do you think that was? Did you think it was the drink in that little toaster? I think so, but but this, in hindsight, was again, it was one of the best things that that happened because, I needed this to happen this far on into my journey for me to remind myself that I’m such a better individual without any substances at all.
00:47:54:23 – 00:48:12:18
And what I also realize, it’s just not worth the risk. I’ve got so much to lose now, not just from the business point of view, but like, I mean a great relationship. Me, me and my partner married like we’ve, you know, we’re so close I Mary, I she won’t be watching me and my brother, me and my family, everyone.
00:48:12:18 – 00:48:32:10
And the worst day I’ve had since the last time I got completely fucked up was the last time I got fucked up, you know? Did you need that reminder? I did, but this time, because I had already started with this fitness, I put it straight out the next day, do you not? I did actually, earlier. I had a bit left, which first of all was strange.
00:48:32:10 – 00:48:48:22
I was like, fucking oh, you know, this isn’t normal. And the first thought was, I’m never going to do this again, but I’m going to hide it in a little cupboard. Well, it’s just in case. And then I thought, now what am I doing for now? I’m never doing this again. I poured it down the toilet, I did a video.
00:48:49:00 – 00:49:05:21
I was literally in tears because it was fucking emotional. I was like, what have I done? I couldn’t believe it. Like, my marriage was absolutely distraught. You know, my brother is like, you know, you’re an idiot. So in a supportive way, though, and, and I put an Instagram story out about my relapse and just explain exactly what happened.
00:49:05:21 – 00:49:24:13
And, and and again, I think that was great because, you know, it doesn’t matter how far you are on this journey, there will be slip ups in the road. Took some accountability. Exactly. That’s what I did. And and for me also, I really recognized that that’s something that I’d never really done before. I’d never taken full responsibility the day after.
00:49:24:13 – 00:49:44:19
Normally I’d hide away from it for a few days, forget it happened, and then, you know, before you know it, it would happen again. So, so and so that was that. And since that day, my life has just gone from strength to strength in every single area. So it’s it’s a little emotional speaking about it right now because it really has it’s just it’s it’s never been better.
00:49:44:19 – 00:50:05:12
And so in these last ten months. Yeah. Now that you’re completely clean. Yeah. After that last blowout. Yeah. What would you go back and tell your younger self if you had an opportunity to. How young are we talking. Oh I don’t know 25, 25 I just don’t do cocaine anymore. Honestly. Just I think it would be that simple.
00:50:05:12 – 00:50:25:08
Just. Just don’t do it. It’s just not worth it at all. If, you know, in hindsight, I would. I would rather, it’s so difficult to say that because even with my DJ and career, like I would say to my younger self before I was, you know, starting as a DJ, make sure you prioritize your, your health and fitness.
00:50:25:13 – 00:50:42:00
But looking back now, I don’t really ever think I enjoyed being a DJ myself. I just enjoyed doing the drugs and that’s why it was. It was an easy decision for me to leave the music industry because I knew I couldn’t do drugs anymore. So it was, you know, I tried to go sober and I ended up in hospital.
00:50:42:00 – 00:51:00:19
So, it would be just to, to not do drugs and you end up in hospital because you overdosed on cocaine. Exactly. From from that time. So, I, you know, and I think one thing I’ve realized as well is that I kidded myself for so long and said, cocaine use is fine. It isn’t at the end of the day, and I don’t care who who you are.
00:51:00:19 – 00:51:23:05
Like anyone using cocaine on on from from. This is just my personal opinion of anyone using cocaine on a on a regular basis is is not getting the most out of their life. And that’s that’s also what I’ve realized. I’ve achieved so much in the past ten months because I’ve been 100% myself. Yeah. When you’re focused, it makes a big difference cos it does a huge difference.
00:51:23:05 – 00:51:46:00
And it was also that’s, you know, just a break down a lot of labels that I put on myself that I was using because I was never 100%, you know, 100% myself. So I was never going to reach 100% my, my ability, because that always be 2 or 3 days a week when I was 50%. What do you do now to make sure you don’t go back again?
00:51:46:02 – 00:52:04:11
Yeah. So for me, I have something called the Foundations. And this was huge for me. And it’s, it’s it’s just about building a base layer of discipline. Discipline for me is key. You know, the word discipline comes from. No, I have these things in my head. I don’t know where it came from, but I just remember discipline comes from the word disciple.
00:52:04:13 – 00:52:25:06
And a disciple is an emcee of wisdom. So to be disciplined means you have lots of wisdom. You listen to yourself. Oh, wow. Okay, well, I love that. And that is true though, because you literally are telling yourself to to not or to do something on a daily basis. For me, fasting is a huge one because that that gives me discipline every day, no matter how shit the day is, as long as I start and stop my fast.
00:52:25:06 – 00:52:40:18
I’ve done that little thing and and a lot of the times for me, especially when I start my journey, just having that small win would be the change in decision for me to then have a, you know, go on a mad one for those, you know, that sounds like that sounds like you’ve taught yourself to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.
00:52:40:23 – 00:52:55:16
And if I can be comfortable with being uncomfortable when it comes to thinking of using if it ever enters my head, I can be uncomfortable to not use it. And you know what that is? Because that’s what I want you to consider, because that is exactly. I just tell you words. You pretty much do it because I’ve got the foundations.
00:52:55:16 – 00:53:14:07
But then it’s also about setting myself goals that get me out of that comfort zone. So my first goal last year was to run a sub one hour, 1.5 hour half marathon. Which again, when I first started my journey, I never thought was possible. I did that, you know, it was great. Achieved it. Fantastic. A train hard for it.
00:53:14:07 – 00:53:31:05
I felt myself coasting again. I set myself another goal this year to get sub 10% body fat, which I did a couple of weeks ago. Now I’ve got my next goal and I think that’s the question. Next goal is I’m going to go onto a natural men’s physique bodybuilding show. Not that I’m seeing just because it’s something I’ve been out there in my pants many a time.
00:53:31:06 – 00:53:52:10
There we go. So can we compete over 17 times and know exactly what that’s like? A lot of discipline, a lot of discipline. And this is exactly that, because discipline is the key for me. It’s all about discipline. And this is really what I bring with Will is fitness coaching now is an alternative fruit. Not even I don’t even use the word sober.
00:53:52:10 – 00:54:11:21
But moving away from from drink and drugs and doing that by physical and performance based transformation. Because if you get in great shape, no one can do that for you. And it shows discipline and it shows commitment to a certain goal. And there’s a lot of time you got to be comfortable with being uncomfortable when you’re trying and pushing yourself.
00:54:11:21 – 00:54:31:20
That’s hard. Exactly that. And there’s a lot of principles. Yeah. And I think, you know, growth you don’t grow in comfort at the end of the day. And for so many years that’s that’s what I was stuck in at that even though I was depressed and, you know, and unhappy, it was still comfortable just using cocaine and, and and now I really thrive in that.
00:54:32:01 – 00:54:55:15
I’ve got a question for you. Not that I want to glamorize it, but I like to ask certain guests this question. And the question is, what’s one of the craziest things you’ve done while using, should have I should know this really? So I had a gig in, Sweden. Very nice. Really nice. Promoters are fantastic guys.
00:54:55:17 – 00:55:13:21
And, went back to the hotel room. Very nice hotel. Me and my brother very, very charged up on cocaine. There was a girl in the room. It was my room. So I said to my brother, look, you know, I’m going to go and get some more beers. We got some more packet in here. If I’m.
00:55:14:00 – 00:55:38:17
If she’s still with you in my room, then you’ve got to leave, okay? Because, you know, it’s my I get it. Yeah. So I come back ready. Racking up some light. Liam still there. I was like, right. See in a bit. He’s not having it. Right. So we start having a massive like brotherly fight in front of this girl that went out into the hallway of this like it was probably a five star hotel suite.
00:55:38:17 – 00:56:01:00
It’s a very nice place. And, people were coming out, you know, it was. It was going crazy. The girl just walks off anyway. Went back in. Liam went to his room. I stay up all night sniffing. Finally pass out. Wake up. What time is it? 2:00. I miss my flight. Yeah. Ring. Liam. He’s not answering. He fucked off and left me in the hotel room.
00:56:01:00 – 00:56:22:14
Yeah, he’s flown back. He’s flown back. So instead of just ringing the promoter and telling him what I did is I went to the shop, got two bottles of wine, finished off the gear and just went absolutely mental. I ended up throwing the TV out of the window. I was drawing on the walls. I just had had like a fucking mental breakdown, charged up on coke.
00:56:22:16 – 00:56:42:08
And then the promoter, Eric. Such a nice guy as well. Come, because he’d had a call from the hotel and said the guy was going crazy in there, and he just said, Sean, why don’t you just ring me? And on the spot, he booked me a flight back. And obviously I went back, you know, it was a bit it was horrible.
00:56:42:13 – 00:56:58:10
And then I got a bill for 2500 euros as well after it. So for the damage to the room, the damage for the room. Yeah. And we never got invited back. So that was yeah, that was, that was one of the shows I really appreciate you coming clean with me today. So. Yeah. Time for sure. Thank you, thank you.